First Times, Last Times
by guineapiggie
Summary: "There's a first time for everything." -"And a last time." So, it's time to take a look at the many firsts and lasts of River and the Doctor. A collection of one-shots, containing Darillium, The Name of the Doctor, Let's Kill Hitler, Day of the Moon and Forest of the Dead. Always romance, mostly angst, but also a bit of fluff. (Requests and ideas very welcome!)
1. Candlelight

**Candlelight**

_Disclaimer: _Just in case anyone thinks I own these characters, I do not. My name's not Steven Moffat. (Mind you, that would be a stupid name for a girl)

**_*Author's note* Inspired by _****hannahncakes'****_ lovely little stories, I came up with this. I think I'll do some more chapters if people are interested. As I'm concentrating on both of their first times, prepare for some time-jumps. The first part is early for River (right after TWoRS), but reasonably late for the Doctor. I imagine River has been in prison for about a year in the second part, the doctor has just "died". _**

She sat on the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees, and stared at the wall opposite. Well, it could have been worse. The cell didn't provide any luxuries and the view certainly wasn't spectacular, but at least it was clean and it wasn't cold.  
Trouble only was, she was bored already. Well, if she was going to spend the rest of her life in here, she would have to find something to keep her busy.  
River closed her eyes and sighed. She'd been in her new cell but a couple of hours, but she already missed him. The man for whom she had went into prison. The man she'd killed (right, she hadn't really, but it had felt like it either way). The man she'd married. The doctor. _Her_ doctor.  
Her fingers fingered the blue diary, flickering through the pages. She had filled so few of them with stories…  
"Anything I can get you, Doctor Song?"  
"No, I'm fine, thank -" She broke off when she realized (quite late) that she knew that voice all too well. She leapt off the bed and smiled disbelievingly at the man who stood on the other side of the bars. There he was, wearing that smug grin, casually leaning against the TARDIS as if he'd just entered a public building instead of a high security prison.  
"Hi honey. I'm home."  
"And what sort of time do you call this?", she asked, echoing their very words from a couple of hours ago.  
"The perfect time to, you know, come around and check on you." He walked over to the door and opened it in a matter of seconds. So much for high security.  
The doctor examined her closely for a while and then asked, very quietly and lacking all that self-confidence he was usually sporting: "You didn't really think I'd let you rot in here, did you?"  
She opened her mouth to answer with no idea what to say.  
"No, don't answer that. Stupid question. Forget it," he cut her off, his giddy mood back in his voice as if it had never been gone. "So...how do you like your cell? Feel like spending some hours of your time here for a few years?"  
"A few more, I guess," she replied with half a smile. "But I think I'm ready to make myself at home."  
"No, you're not. Not yet." He produced a candle from his pocket, placed it on the bedside table and lit it. Then he stood still for a minute, admiring the shadows of the pair of them the candlelight cast on the wall.  
"There, that's better, wouldn't you say?" He grinned at her. "Well, it's no candlelight dinner, but it's something. I'll see to that. Dinner, I mean. Not now, of course. Too early. I'll drop by later."  
"You'll really come by to see me?" she asked and cursed herself for the childish fear in her voice. "Every now and then?"  
"In good times and in bad, isn't that it? Well, we didn't get to say it, but it's part of the deal. I guess prison counts as bad times…" He bent down slightly so they were on eye level. "See that candle? Take it as a promise. I won't leave you in here, River. I mean, you'll still have to spend a lot of time in this cell, but I'll come and get you out of here as often as I can.  
"Okay," she whispered. "I'll remind you of that."  
"Good." He leaned in a bit closer to kiss her.

...

Their laughter still echoed through his head when they sneaked through the dimly lit corridor and back into her cell. _Oh, what a night._ The doctor grinned. He could get used to this, and according to River, there was a lot more to come.  
"They didn't even notice I was gone this time," River said, casting a quick glance through the bars.  
"Do they ever notice?" he asked, wondering whether his future self had gotten her into trouble.  
"Usually, but as I always come back, they're not too resentful." She gave him that mischievous smile of hers and started rummaging through her drawers. "There you go…" she muttered and threw him a box of matches, then turned away again and started looking for something else.  
He turned the matches in his hands, trying to find something unusual about them, before he dared to ask: "Erm...what exactly do you want me to do with those?"  
She stopped dead in whatever she was doing and looked at him for a long moment as if trying to figure out whether he was joking. Then her features grew softer, but he didn't miss the hint of sadness and pain in her eyes. "This _is_ early for you, sweetie, isn't it?" she whispered.  
"Yeah. Never been here. At night, I mean. Like, in here, in this cell, with you," he stuttered, unsure what to make of her reaction. He'd seen her like this only once - and he really didn't want to be reminded of it. Because thinking about the library hurt, in quite a different way than thinking about other people he'd lost.  
He _hated_ losing people.

"You always light the candle," she explained, waving a hand towards a blue candle on her bedside table.  
"Do I? What for?"  
"Well, once you said you'd do it to remind me you'd come back." That sad smile flickered over her face again. "And once you said you just liked the smell of candles."  
"I do. It's a brilliant smell. It smells of cosiness." He lit one of the matches and tried for a smile. "You could need some of that in here."  
The small flame sprang to life and he blew out the match, put it in his pocket and turned to leave. "See ya, River," he said quietly as he opened her barred door once more, not sure if she'd even hear him.  
"Thank you, doctor," she called after him.  
"For what? Putting you into prison?"  
She shook her head and smiled, for real, this time. "For tonight. And the nights before...in advance."  
"Talk about pressure." He grinned and closed the TARDIS's doors before she could say anything near "goodbye".  
He wasn't ever going to allow her to say that.

**Please review, give critic and tell me if you'd like to hear more :)**


	2. Last Night

**Last night**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, the idea behind them or anything related to the show apart from my own, sometimes very miserable ideas about it.

_***Author's note* I meant to put this at the end, but then I'd suddenly written it and I don't want to keep it from you. Obviously, for River it's the night before the library, I imagine it to be fifty to seventy years from Manhattan for the Doctor.  
I know it's like the biggest last there is and I hope you like my take on it. Please review.**_

* * *

He stared at the black suit, wondering whether she'd remember it. Of course she would, she always remembered stuff like that. That suit seemed just right for the occasion.

He put it on very slowly, trying to delay what he had to do for just a bit more. The jacket felt incredibly heavy, drenched with memories. She'd been so young back then…

_Dear me, you're putting sentimental to a new extreme._ Well, he probably did, but he felt like he had all right in the world to do so. The TARDIS needed little instruction to go there. He envied his time machine so much, it was so easy for her, while he felt like his shoes were nailed to the ground.

~o~o~o~

She stood in her bedroom with her back to the door. He leaned against the door frame and watched his wife neatly fold clothes in a small suitcase. River picked up a few books and piled them in the case, along with a toothbrush and a pair of earrings he'd given her for her birthday. To her, that had been only last year, but he had bought them almost eighty years ago. Then she grabbed a blue book, smaller than the others. It was heavily worn and as she flickered through the pages, he could spot her neat writing on them. She brushed affectionately over the cover with her hand.

He took a deep breath and walked up next to her. "Hi honey. I'm home."

She flinched and spun around. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" she hissed and clutched her diary with both hands, obviously worried he might have read something he shouldn't. _I don't need to read your stories anymore, honey, _he thought sadly_, I've lived them all._

"Don't worry, I didn't peek."

"Well, you'd better not… any special occasion?" she asked suddenly, eying his suit. "That's the one you wore in Berlin, isn't it?" She bit her lip angrily. "Sorry. Spoilers. Where are we?"

_At the very end._ "Last met you in Manhattan. Did I mention I'm sorry?" He tried to sound cheerful, but failed spectacularly at it.

"Yes, you did," she whispered, straightening the revers of his suit. "I'm sorry, too."

_Deep breaths. Focus_. "Okay, then. Enough being sorry. I came to pick you up."

"Where are we going?"

He forced another smile on his face. After nine hundred years of practice, it finally looked halfway convincing. "How about Darillium? I did promise we'd go one day."

He opened the TARDIS' doors for her with a snap of his fingers, for the last trip River Song would ever take.

~o~o~o~

The TARDIS materialized in a dimly lit alley. "Alright, close your eyes," he whispered as he led her towards the music with a heavy heart. Slowly he directed her through the alley, walking close behind her. He knew he was touching her more than necessary and he could only hope she wouldn't notice because he couldn't bring himself to let her go.

"Can you hear that?" he asked quietly as they arrived on the crowded marketplace.

"Yes."

"Okay then, open your eyes. There you go. The singing towers of Darillium."

"Wow...this place… that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she breathed, her gleaming eyes taking in her environment, the circular place filled with any sort of living creature there was in the universe, the old buildings surrounding them that looked so delicate he always asked himself how they had survived the years, and the massive towers reaching up into the sky, bending back and forth ever so slightly in the light breeze.

"Yeah. Very beautiful," he agreed without taking his eyes off her, not sure if he meant the towers or his wife. The haunting music that filled the air swelled to a bittersweet canon and he felt his eyes water. He wiped the tears away before she could see them. She had seen him cry that night, but he didn't plan to be a sobbing mess all the way through it. No way.

She slipped his hand into his and he clutched it, grateful to have something to hold on to.

"Is it really the towers that make the music?" she asked after a while. He smiled at her. Still so hungry for knowledge after all these years.

"Yeah. They only sing for one night in a thousand years."

"Who built them?"

"Nobody did. They're alive. Suppose they grew like mushrooms."

That made her laugh. "Well, this might just be the most spectacular place you ever took me to."

"That's why I saved it up for so long," he replied. They stood very still for what seemed like hours to him. He didn't dare to move, scared to break this little moment of peace.

When she finally let go of his hand and announced she'd get them a drink, he felt the fear take him again. River threw him one of her sharp looks. "You okay, sweetie?"

"What? Yeah. Fine. Never been better," he answered overly cheerful. He could see she didn't believe him, but she just nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

_Some left me, some got left behind, and some...not many, but some...died._ And River, just like her parents, was about to do all three. _Put yourself together now, really. Sentimental old fool._ He pinched his arm firmly. The pain dragged him back to reality almost instantly.

River came back, carrying two bottles and glasses. She stared at him in astonishment as he grabbed the bottle containing red wine and poured it into both glasses. "I've brought lemonade, too, sweetie, you don't have to-"

He downed it all at once and she broke off. It tasted disgusting, but it had exactly the effect he'd hoped for. The alcohol kicked in instantly and slowed down his troubled thoughts.

"It's not just the music, is it?" she whispered. Why did she have to see right through him all the time?

"No. No, it's not." He avoided her sharp eyes and stared at their feet, barely an inch apart.

"Then tell me."

"Can't." was all he could manage. So many times he had whished he could just tell her, just beg her to never set foot into that goddamned library… but it was fixed, and he'd rip all of reality apart if he kept her from dying. Oh, he started to understand what she'd felt like.

"Please, tell me what's wrong!" Her voice was so full of worry that it forced him to look at her.

"I really can't say. Spoilers." His voice sounded strange to his ears and he felt a tear running down his cheek.

She hesitated, but then she reached out and wiped it away softly. "Okay."

He had no words to tell her how grateful he was to have her with him, no matter how much it hurt. He pulled her close and kissed her, trying to make every second last as long as he could.

~o~o~o~

Hours later he was lying next to her, closer to her than his sore heart was willing to take, listening to her quiet breaths and _crying_. Again. Well, at least this time, she couldn't see it. River was sleeping and she seemed to feel a lot safer in his arms than she should, safer than she was. She was lying completely still, no bad dreams shaking her this time. They were all his tonight.

He couldn't stay, he knew that. He also knew he might see her again someday, an earlier version of her. But he might also not and that killed him. Not for the first time he caught himself envying his wife. She'd know it was the end, she'd know she'd never see him again. He was never going to be sure. One day it would just stop without him even noticing it. She'd be gone, faded from him like all the others.

Somehow he managed to persuade himself to let go and to wind out of her embrace without waking her. Carefully he straightened the sheets and covered her the best he could. Then he pulled out the screwdriver he'd made for her from memory, containing all the extras she would need. **_It's a gift, don't you dare to give it back_**, he scrawled over a piece of paper and then placed both in her suitcase, next to the blue diary. Another gift, so long ago.

Slowly he kneeled down beside her bed, his hearts beating as if he'd run for hundreds of years. Well, technically, he had.

He brushed a stray curl out of her face and placed a final, very light kiss on her forehead. He meant to say goodbye, it was time, but he choked on his words. Ruefully, he shook his head. He should have known right from the start he wouldn't have the strength to say it.

"I'll run away again, won't I, honey?" he whispered and stood up hesitantly. "Guess that's what I do best. One day you'll tell me what you've done to deserve a coward like me."

He stole away like a thief. _A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. _The best summary of his life he'd ever give.

* * *

_**Yes, it's pretty sad, I'm sorry. That's the result of me listening to a bunch of very, very sad songs and then watching the latest episode. (Did you catch my little reference to Forest of the Dead?)**_


	3. Like a shooting star

**Like a shooting star**

**Disclaimer:** Me no owns these people. Me just borrows.

_***Author's Note* Yes, sorry, another sad one. I'm working on a happier one, but tragedy seems to come a lot easier to me. Now, inspired by the request by **_**WhoLockedAnglophile**_**, here's their last goodbye. I don't usually include original dialogue into my text because Moffat's genius intimidates me too much (seriously, just listen to the Doctor's monologue from The Big Bang and you'll know what I mean) but I tried my best.**_  
_**River's obviously from Silence in the Library, his (surprise!) from The Name of the Doctor. I did Rivers before her death because the River in TNotD was, the way I saw it, just a projection of the Doctor's grief and guilt. Meaning the real River was never there. Sorry, I suppose that confused you lot even more. **_  
_**Either way, enjoy it and please review. I love reviews. All I can think about. I think I might be having a craving.**_

_You were always there, like a shining light_  
_On my darkest days, you were there to guide me_  
_Oh I miss you now, I wish you could see_  
_Just how much your memory will always mean to me_  
_In the blink of an eye_  
_I never got to say goodbye_

_Like a shooting star, flying across the room_  
_So fast, so far_  
_You were gone too soon_  
_You were a part of me and I'll never be the same without you here_  
_You were gone too soon_  
-"Gone Too Soon" by Simple Plan

* * *

"But you knew my name, you whispered my name in my ear!"

"_Auto-destruct in ten seconds. Nine.."_

The cold computer voice counted down the seconds as if they meant nothing at all. And yet, to her, they meant the world. Not because she saw her whole life in front of her like a film. She'd never believed in this rubbish and she'd been right. It wasn't her head showing her random pictures. It was her whole self clinging to these precious memories in an idiotic attempt to make death bearable.

_Now, there you go, River Song, Melody Pond...you're the woman who married me._ If she tried really hard she could still feel the fabric of the bow tie firmly wrapped around her hand, still hear his voice.

_Hi honey, I'm home._ She'd take it to the grave, the joy that always welled up inside her when she heard these words. As in literally take it to the grave, she thought bitterly.

_River_! God, how she had loved to hear his voice say her name. No one had ever managed to say it like that.

_The doctor's death does not scare me, nor does my own,_ she'd once told Amy. And she really didn't feel fear. She just felt sadness, cold, dark, never ending sadness. Only yesterday she'd fallen asleep in his arms, she could still feel his lips on hers, and in a few seconds, it would just be over.

But, in the end, it _was_ okay. If she could have chosen a way to go, it would have been like this. For him. For every second she'd spent with him. The only thing that was absolutely in every possible way _not_ okay was the fact that he was watching. Every time he would meet her, he would remember this. Funny, she had always wondered where the pain in his eyes came from when he was looking at her.

"There's only one time I'd tell anyone my name, there's only one time I could!"

_It's called marriage, sweetie_. "Hush now...Spoilers!" she whispered, her voice breaking. He didn't know her but there was already so much desperation written over his face as the penny dropped. He couldn't save her, not this time.

"Thank you, my love. Thank you a million times," she breathed, so softly she couldn't even hear it herself.

"..._One_"

"And goodbye. Goodbye, sweetie."

* * *

"You are always here to me and I always listen. And I can always see you." Oh, she looked so shocked, so beautiful, so real and so..._hurt_. He hated to see her like this, and knowing that it was all his fault made him feel sick.

"Then why didn't you speak to me?" Because somewhere deep down he knew that she wasn't real, that she was nothing more than the most refined torture his sick brain had ever come up with, a projection of his guilt, his sorrow and the way he missed having her by his side. Because he'd been scared that if he ever responded, she'd just vanish.

Because, because, because…

"Because I thought it would hurt too much."

"I believe I could have coped." Her wonderful voice, so close to tears. And she'd got him all wrong. Because River always thought the best of him. River wouldn't have considered that he was just being a selfish bastard, River would have believed he had tried to protect her. And it was probably hard to understand what he was doing. He was a bloody masochist, every single second he looked at her and heard her voice, it ripped him into a million pieces, but the idea of never seeing her was too painful to be considered.

"No, I thought it would hurt me. And I was right." Oh yes, it hurt. It hurt so much.

And then he did the one thing that could still make it worse. He kissed her. None of those shy kisses of their early years. A kiss full of missing her and loving her so much it took his breath away. He savoured the pain, let it eat him up, welcomed it with open arms. He deserved it.

They broke apart and for a split second he remembered they were not alone - _he_ was not alone. "Since no-one else in this room can see you, God knows what that looked like," he muttered, then returned his attention to his wife. "There is a time to live and a time to sleep. You are an echo, River. Like Clara, like all of us, in the end...my fault, I know. But you should have faded by now."

"It's hard to leave...when you haven't said goodbye," she whispered.

"Then tell me, because I don't know...how do I say it?" For years he had been trying to find a way, but however much he knew it was time, he never managed to spit it out.

"There's only one way I'd accept. If you ever loved me...say it like you are going to come back." _Oh River, you've got no idea how much I love you_. And then a smile crept across his face. If you ever loved me. All those years, he'd felt like he had to cut it out, stop loving her, and he had never found the strength for that. But he was asked to let her go. It wasn't the same.

If you love something, let it go.

"Well then. See you around, Professor River Song."

She smiled and he knew he was doing it right. "'Til the next time, Doctor."

He smiled back, not knowing if he didn't rather feel like crying. "Don't wait up." These words cost him all his strength. For two hundred years, he had kept from saying goodbye.

"Though there is one more thing."

"Isn't there always?" he asked, grinning about himself. Even now, when she was just a hallucination, a memory, he couldn't bring himself to let her go completely.

"I was mentally linked with Clara. If she is really dead...then how can I still be here?"

Oh, just like old times. It was too easy to forget that she wasn't real. "Okay...how?"

She gave him a sweet, omniscient smile. It had driven him up the wall so many times, but he loved it in every way. "Spoilers."

Now he was ready. The pain he'd almost got used to roared in his chest, but at the same time, his mind was calm and oddly peaceful. He would always remember her, but he could let her sleep now.

"Goodbye...sweetie," she breathed and faded away.

He stared at where she'd stood a second ago. His throat felt sore as if he'd cried too much, but he was smiling.

_Rest in peace. Goodbye, River._

* * *

**_Oh, and by the way, sorry for any grammar mistakes. Wibbly-wobbly-timey-whimey, they don't teach us at school which tense you use if it happened a long time ago for one person and is still about to happen for another. I should ask my English teacher about this one day. Would be fun._**


	4. Midnight Terrors

**Midnight Terrors**

**Disclaimer: **Would I let Matt leave if I owned Doctor Who?

_***A/N* I know. I said happy.(I'm finished with the Doctor's part of happy, but don't have a clue about River's). But looking at what the BBC declared yesterday...well that's calling for an angsty one. The Doctor's part is somewhere between seasons 6 and 7 for him, River's a month or two after the wedding from her point of view.  
Hope you like it, please take the time to review.**_

* * *

_You and me...time and space...you watch us run!_

"Doctor!" Someone shook his shoulder. He woke with a start. River sat on the bed next to him, her legs still tangled in the blankets he must have thrown off himself in sleep. And his face was all wet.

Well, it didn't really surprise him. His nightmares were probably enough to make anyone cry.

Then he remembered _what_ he'd been dreaming.

"You were screaming…" River muttered.

_God, no_. He prayed to every deity he could think of that he'd at least not said anything reasonable. Or that he'd been speaking Gallifreyan or…

"My name."

He groaned and fell back into the pillow. Why did it have to be _that_ nightmare, precisely _that_ night? Couldn't he have dreamt of Donna, or the Time War, anything, even Rose? He could have explained those.

"Will you tell me about it?" she asked quietly and lay back down beside him.

"Trust me, you wouldn't want to know."

"I'm your wife, sweetie, if you can't tell me, then who?"

_Yes, you're my wife, and I just watched you die for the thousandth time_. His eyes watered. "Spoilers, River."

Sleepily, she ran her hand through his hair and moved closer. "We'll talk about this tomorrow, sweetie," she muttered, managing to sound menacing even while she was half asleep. His River. Always strong, always brave, always loving and always just what he needed. And that would be her death in the end.

He tried to stop the sobs, but it was useless. He was fighting a losing battle.

She stiffened slightly at the sound, then pulled him closer wordlessly. He could feel her fingers caress his hair, her lips on his forehead and felt like it was all that held him together. Shaking and completely incapable to stop, he let her hold him, let her see all his misery because he couldn't tell her about it. Not ever. Not a word.  
Eventually, the sobs eased and he could breathe again. He didn't move, didn't really intend to ever again. He felt very much like staying this way forever, feeling her warmth and breathing in the scent of her hair. It was so comforting to hear her heart beat, right now she was so very alive.

He'd fallen asleep before he even began to worry his nightmare might return.

And it didn't. Not that night, anyway.

* * *

_Light flashed in front of her eyes. She could barely make out the figure lying on the ground in front of her through the veil of tears. Gasping for air, she fell to her knees next to him, stared into these empty eyes...no one sat inside them. She couldn't see the control room, the pupils were just black and blank. It didn't make any sense… and then it hit her and felt as if all air had left her lungs. This wasn't a Telesecta, this was a body. A real body. Dead. Internally suffocating, she shook his shoulders violently. His head lolled over to the other side and these eyes she loved so much stared at her, empty, gaping, dead. Dead. She'd killed him, she'd…_

It must have been her own scream that woke her. She muffled it in her cushion before it alerted any of the guards and suppressed the sobs that bubbled up inside her. It was a dream, just a stupid, stupid dream…

"River?"

She sat bolt upright and stared at the barred door. _Please tell me I'm still dreaming_. She pinched her arm, but he was still there, just standing there looking all worried.

"What the hell are you doing here? It's two o'clock in the morning," she snarled at him, feeling exposed and caged. Convenient, she was sitting in a prison cell, after all.

"I set the TARDIS on the wrong time and I meant to leave again but then I heard you yelling your head off," he answered softly and entered.

"I'm fine, Doctor." She could see him flinch at her icy voice.

"No, you're not, River. And that's okay." He seemed so confident, so calm around her, casually ignoring the fact that she was wearing barely more than an extremely short nightie. This had to be late for him.

"I'm perfectly alright, go away," she snapped.

The Doctor sighed and sat down on the floor. "I don't think you want that."

"Well, I do." Her face was burning and her eyes were filling with tears again, this time of shame and anger.

"Everyone has nightmares, River."

"Do you?"

He gave a short, humourless laugh. "Oh yeah. Always the same ones." He paused and looked at her with this old look in his eyes. "And it's okay to be afraid of them. They have access to all of your greatest fears. Nobody's fine after they've been shown what they fear most."

"_I am_. I'm not that weak," she said through gritted teeth. What did he think of her? That she was some sort of frightened child in an adult's body? She had suffered more than enough in her life, probably not as much as he had, but that was no reason to-

He just jumped to his feet and pulled her into his arms, ignoring the protest she muttered in his shirt. For once it was her who flailed her arms around helplessly.

"Just this once, you don't have to lie to me, so _please_, don't," he whispered into her ear.

"I'm not, I don't usually have dreams like that, it gave me a fright but I'm okay now! _Let. Me. Go_!"

He held her at arms length and pierced her with a stern look. "I happen to know that's a lie, my dear. It is hard to miss that every time you slept in my presence, you woke up screaming or crying or both. And I don't mind, honey, I really don't. Because I understand. Because that's what happens to me so often. Don't you ever wonder why I barely sleep? Because I'm scared, that's why." He paused, looking sad and distant. "One day you'll tell me about it. It always seems to make you feel better."

Defeated, she leaned her head against his shoulder and just listened to his breaths for a while. Well, it was no use to lie to herself. She was grateful he was there, very grateful, even. The soft beat of his hearts, the smell of his shirt, his hair brushing against her face and his arms around her made her feel save, comforted, serene, even.

Grinning suddenly, she rose on tiptoe and kissed him.

"Every time I slept in your presence? Sounds promising."

"Naughty girl, you. Spoilers," he answered and shook his head. The look in his eyes, though, was far from innocent.

* * *

_*****_**_A/N* If you do find yourself in need of fluff, try my other Doctor Who fic. Absolutely no angst. (And no, I'm not above advertising my own stories...)_**


	5. 1,2,3,4

**1,2,3,4**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a thing. There you go, nice and short.

_***Author's note* So, after my seriously melancholic chapters, I wanted to do happier stuff. Fluff to cheer me up. Turns out tragedy comes a lot easier to me, but I still hope you like it.  
The Doctor's first time is between series 6 and 7 for him and some time after the wedding for River (yes, because I think it would take him that long to admit it).  
The good part: I recently found a link that finally enabled me to watch Night and the Doctor. The bad part: I'd written most of this beforehand. Meaning it's not canon. And I do **_**hate**_** stuff that's not canon...forgive me, I'm so relieved I've finished it, I didn't dare to lay a finger on it.**_

_There's only 1 thing  
2 do  
3 words  
4 you  
I love you_

- "1,2,3,4" by Plain White T's

He'd sat there for quite a while, watching the people who passed by outside the small Parisian café, when he finally spotted her. She wore a flowing pale blue dress, the curls he loved so much were pinned back in an awfully complicated-looking updo and all in all she blended in perfectly with the early 20th century high society. He smiled. Oh River, always just perfect. He'd missed her. He'd missed her a lot.

"Could I invite you to a cup of tea, ma'am?"

She turned and answered in the same playful tone: "Why, sir, I'll have to inform you that I am married."

"I don't think your husband would mind if you sat with me for a little while."

Gracefully she sat down opposite him and smiled at him. "Nice of you to wait for me. And this is such a lovely spot."

"I thought you might like it," he answered warmly and glanced over the city to their feet. "So, what have you been up to, Doctor Song?"

She told him about her studies she continued (by regularly breaking out of prison to get documents) and about all the adventures she'd been on. It bothered him more than it should that she'd been on them alone. He knew she could look after herself, but still…

Suddenly he noticed that she held her right hand in an awkward angle and barely used it. "What happened to your hand?" he burst out without thinking and instantly wanted to slap himself for his harsh tone. Seeing her hurt made him angry, but there was no need for her to know that.

"Oh, that. Stupid thing, really. I strained my wrist when I punched this guy from 2098."

"Why did you punch him?"

She shrugged and answered nonchalantly: "He told me he loved me."

He choked on his tea. River jumped to her feet and patted his back, chuckling about his reaction. When he'd stopped coughing and wiped his watering eyes, she was still laughing.

"Is that so shocking?"

He decided to ignore her question. "Did you punch everyone who told you that?"

"Only if they were idiots. Besides, there weren't as many as you might think." her tone was light, but he heard the hint of bitterness in it.

"Anyway, wouldn't it have been my job to punch him?" he joked half-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood.

She grinned. "Well, you weren't there. And isn't it a wife's job to fulfil her husband's duties in his absence?"

"Glad I can count on you, honey."

~o~o~o~

It was raining outside the barred windows of Stormcage when the TARDIS materialized in River's cell. "Does the weather ever change?" he asked and threw the outside world an exasperated look.

"Oh yes", she replied, her voice full of sarcasm as she handed him the usual box of matches, "the sky does turn to a lighter grey every now and then, and usually, there's more wind."

"Blimey, what have I done to you…" he muttered.

"I'd do it again any time, sweetie," she declared firmly and gave him her warrior-smile, the one that made her look stronger than he'd ever be, that reminded him just how much this woman had been through in her short life - and what she was still about to endure. "No regrets."

He walked up to her, grabbed both her wrists and pinned her against the wall, very careful not to hurt her injured hand.

"What...Doctor, what are you doing?" River stammered and tried to wriggle herself free.

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't hurt either of us."

"You're not making any sense, why would I hurt us?"

"Because…", he took a deep breath and looked into these very beautiful eyes that returned his gaze in utter confusion, "I love you."

It took a second for his words to sink in, then a smile spread over her face. "That's perfectly fine with me."

"You won't try to punch me?" he asked and eyed her cautiously.

"Promise," she answered, the cheerful twinkle that he'd missed so much back in her eyes.

Slowly he let go of her hands and stepped back, only to be pulled back into a kiss that made him feel all dizzy.

Right, he'd missed _that_, too.

* * *

She looked down on her diary and couldn't help smiling about herself. _You sentimental little girl, you_. She'd written almost five pages. But well, one does not get married every day. Especially not on top of a pyramid. Without a priest and only her parents as guests, and without her father even knowing he was her father. And most men did not attend their own wedding inside a robot. Or got married in an alternative version of reality, for that matter. Alright, she would have imagined something a bit more..._romantic_. But all that was very much them. Back to front, upside down...of course their wedding wasn't normal.

She was distracted by a very familiar noise. Oh, one day...one day she'd tell him to stop leaving the breaks on. She got up, smiling, and wondered what version of him she was about to meet.

"So, are you ready, Doctor Song?"

"Ready for what?" He had replaced the tweed with a formal dinner jacket and, oh yes, she liked it.

"Well, I'm taking you out. After all, you got married," he cast a quick glance at his watch, "102 hours ago and your prison cell is hardly the place to celebrate it. Come on."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the TARDIS before she had time to protest. Not that she intended to.

~o~o~o~

He held the door open for her with a grin and a mock bow. "Can't be described, needs to seen. Go on, after you." She stepped out into a meadow surrounded by massive alien trees. A light breeze ruffled their dark, circular leaves and gave them a light silvery shimmer. High grass waved around the TARDIS and tickled her legs. But the sky...oh, the _sky_...the sky was spectacular. Never had she seen as many stars, like billions and billions of tiny pearls shed out on black velvet. It was magnificent.

"Pretty, eh?" he whispered in her ear and she could practically hear him smile.

"Absolutely," she answered, keeping her voice as calm as she could manage. She wouldn't let him know how shaky he still made her when he was standing so close, on hand on her shoulder and one hand resting lightly on her hip.

"Doesn't anyone live here?"

"Sure, but they're very shy," he replied with a grin. "There's no one to disturb us. Come on, let's have a look around."

They wandered through the quiet forest, joking and laughing and talking about nothing serious. She'd not seen him this relaxed in a long time. She wasn't even sure if she ever had.

"How long has it been, for you? Since the wedding?"

"Oh, a while. Couple of years." He took her hand and gave her an uncomfortable smile. "Sorry I landed you in prison, River."

"Doesn't matter."

"10000 consecutive life sentences_ don't matter?"_

"12000. And no, they don't. Do you really think that I was ready to blow up all of time and space for you, but I'm not prepared to go to prison? It's fine. And besides, I'm really safe in Stormcage. The silence won't find me there."

"Right," he muttered, not looking very convinced.

"Oh, and you did promise to get me out of there every now and then."

His mood changed instantly. He turned to look at her, grinning, and asked: "Promised you the stars, did I? Well, here they are!"

He looked so pleased with himself, not for the first time reminding her of a little boy who'd drawn his mum a picture.

~o~o~o~

She lay in the soft grass, her fingers still firmly linked with his, and gazed up into the darkness shimmering with stars. For the first time in days, she could let herself go.

"Do you think you'll ever see them all?"

He laughed. "Every star? God, no. Only the interesting ones."

His fingers drew circles on the skin of her hand. She turned her head and looked at him. He was still staring into the sky, a light, content smile on his lips. He looked happy, happy to be with _her_.

"Sweetie?"

"Hm?"

"I love you." She'd said it once before, in the pyramid. But that didn't count, not really. She hadn't even meant to say it, it had slipped out, she'd been desperate and scared.

This was the first times she'd ever told him. He'd probably known all along and she would probably tell him later in her time stream...but she never told him. Not until now.

"Yeah, well...I hope so. We're married," he muttered and kissed her, and she could feel him smile underneath her lips.

* * *

_***A/N* You know, I really like reviews... and if you've got any firsts (or lasts!) you'd like to hear about, then please, please tell me!**_


	6. That's between her and me

**That's between her and me**

**Disclaimer**: Hang on, I'll do a quick check...nope, I still don't own them. Damn it.

**_*A/N* I had to do their first nights, right, it was obvious. But I'm not usually writing stuff like this so I'm not too happy about this and feedback would be fabulous. And any prompts and ideas would be fantastic, too._**  
**_I like to place the Doctor's one right between the wedding and his conversation with Dorium (because he was looking so smug when he said that). River's is maybe three months after the wedding for her (not because I think she wouldn't want to earlier, but because I think the Doctor wouldn't want it to be so early for her) and at some early point in series 7 for him.  
Again, I'm not too happy with them, but I owed you lot a new chapter, so well, I tried my best._**

* * *

_"And Doctor Song, in prison all her days?"_

_"Her days, yes, her nights...well ,that's between her and me, eh?"_

* * *

Doctor River Song hummed quietly to herself and danced around the console, her high heels in hand. She could feel the TARDIS humming along under her feet. The Doctor was standing by the console, flipping levers, pushing buttons and pretending not to be watching her. But she could feel his eyes on her and he _certainly_ liked what he was seeing . Well, she couldn't blame him, she'd made some effort this time and apparently the choice of her dress had been a good one. He'd taken her to another planet, she'd probably just make a quick note about it in her diary, but in her memory it was going to need a lot more space. It had been..._romantic_, not just for his standards.

She threw him a quick glance and grinned. Poor dear, he was barely past their wedding. He still had a lot to learn about dating and stuff, but she felt confident she'd be able to teach him everything he would know in the future.

The TARDIS came to a halt (and a rather soft one for a change) and River smiled sadly. Time to go.

"So, I'm back home then, right?" she asked after a quick check on the monitor. "Well, I'd better be off. It was lovely."

He threw her a strange look. There was definitely longing, but also uncertainty, and there was something torn and pained in it.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Suddenly feeling uneasy, she took a few reluctant steps back towards him.

"Nothing, just-" he muttered, avoiding her eyes. After a moment, still staring intently at his feet, he added in a small voice: "Don't leave."

"I have to. You know that," she replied softly. "I'd be changing your past if I stayed with you."

He shook his head, bit his lip, finally looked up. "I don't mean that. Just...don't go back now. Just not tonight."

River remembered times when he'd asked her to stay, usually she teased him a bit but then left anyway, sometimes he talked her into it, but he had never looked this desperate. Possessive, even.

"I think...I think I should go, sweetie." she finally said. She didn't want to, but this was so early for him, and she felt like another night of only being allowed to kiss him when she longed for _more_...well, it wouldn't be easy.

Maybe he had heard that she wasn't entirely sure about leaving. He seemed to relax a bit and asked, half joking: "Do you really prefer your tiny little cell over _this_? Don't insult the TARDIS, River, she doesn't like that at all."

"No, of course not, I…" she stammered, unsure what to make of his mood changes.

He took shameless advantage of her confusion and pulled her close. "You're not going anywhere, Doctor Song."

She meant to protest, but somehow miraculously forgot all her arguments when he kissed her. His kisses had definitely been different last night. This was nowhere near as shy or reluctant. They stumbled back and she bumped backwards into the console but barely noticed it.

Her lips burned. She had kissed him like this before, but she was fairly certain he hadn't at this point. His hand in her neck was shaking ever so slightly and his breath was going just as ragged as hers.

_Well, there's a first time for everyone._ But that meant that it was his first. _Your firsts, my lasts_. God, no. River stiffened slightly, a tiny voice in her head screaming at her to push him away. She didn't want it to be over so quickly. It was too much to ask. Maybe if she just left now, she could prevent the moment for just a bit longer...

_Don't be stupid._ With a soft moan, River gave in and kissed him back with the same fierce passion. She'd kept too much longing bottled up inside her herself to refuse him. And if this was when time wanted it to be, there was little point in trying to change that.

Most of their clothes fell there and then, the rest formed an accurate trail for anyone else on the TARDIS to follow. For a split second, River wondered whether her parents were on board, too, but forgot about it instantly. To hell with it, they were grown-ups, they were married.

~o~o~o~

Her heartbeat calmed down very slowly, probably because they were still lying so close. One of his hands was playing lazily with her hair.

"Your first?" she asked finally.

"Not yours, then," he deduced, grinning at her. "Interesting. But yes, my first."

River nodded slowly, trying to process what this meant to her. _My last_.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Her answer came too quickly. "I think that's a spoiler."

He gave her an exasperated look and shifted into a more upright position. "Oh, don't give me that. Tell me."

"It's just...since we're back to front and all that…"

Smiling suddenly, he reached out for her and pushed a stray curl out of her face. "It's not always like that. We're not completely back to front, we're just horribly out of order. Your firsts aren't always my lasts."

She smiled back weakly. "So there are exceptions to the rule? That's good."

"I wouldn't even call it the rule. And now get that look off your face before-" He broke off, looking horrified.

"What is it?"

He winced. "Your parents. Oh god, if they'll find out...they'll _kill_ me!"

River burst out laughing. "Don't worry, sweetie, I've met you older than this."

"No, really...Amelia Pond and the Last Centurion...River, I won't survive that!" it came muffled from under the cushion and that was all he worried about for the rest of the night.

* * *

Dim candlelight illuminated the small hotel room that was dominated by a huge, luxurious four-poster bed. He was half sitting, half lying on the thick mattress and wondered how the hell he had even got there.

_Concentrate. Concentrate, come on!_

In his defence, anyone would find it hard to keep a clear head when a woman was kissing them like that.

Trying to make River Song take it slowly was proving more than just a bit difficult.

Unwillingly, he pulled away from her and grabbed her hands. "River! We've got all the time in the world."

"Speak for yourself,_ time lord_," she muttered and kissed him again. He desperately tried to remember what it felt like to be thinking straight. "My clock's ticking."

"Don't…" The plea came reflexively. He didn't want to go back to the Library. Not now. He knew he'd return soon enough, it was a common destination for his nightmares to take him to.

She chuckled. "You've gone all deep, I don't know if I like that yet."

He grinned back at her. "Well, I don't mind if I come across as slightly intelligent." Carefully, he tucked the curls that hid her eyes back behind her ear. "Besides, it's nice to see _you_ like that."

"Like what?"

He shrugged. "You know...young and… stupidly reckless and not a care in the world."

"Oh god, I'm not gonna end up some moping spinster, am I?" There was that ironic sparkle in her eyes, but she did sound a little worried.

Oh, she was so _young_, so wonderfully, terribly young and passionate and confident and curious. Probably even more so in his eyes, which was why he was scared to even do so much as kiss her when he came across her this young. The idea of staining this pure optimism that he had somehow managed to give back to her broke his hearts. It was superstitious and irrational, but he couldn't help it. It scared him, the certainty that it must have been him and the way he broke her heart with every second thing he did that had created the woman he first came to know.

"No, not you. Never you," he replied, remembering the searing pain her slaps had left on his cheek. Not exactly moping.

"I'll still be yours, right, in the future? I love you?"

"Yeah, you do. More than you should, no matter how often I tell you…"

She found her smile again. "Well, then I'm not really any different, am I? Your love changes me, but that's good, that's what I want."

"It always changes everyone," he muttered sadly. "And it doesn't exactly make them happier."

"Hey, if you don't wanna go back to your miserable old missus, you can stay with me," she joked.

He wanted to laugh, but he had to make her understand this. "I love every last bit of you , no matter when I meet you."

River tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. "That's very romantic and poetic and all that, but why can't you just shut up and show me that love a bit less..._passively_?"

He gave her a dark look, but failed to suppress his grin. _Challenge accepted_. "Passive, eh?"

That bed wasn't made for sleeping anyway.


	7. A First Time for Everything

**A First Time for Everything**

**Disclaimer**: Don'townit don'townit.

**_*A/N* I really made an effort to keep at least one part as light and fluffy as I could, please tell me if you enjoyed it! Of course, if you liked the second part, or both, tell me anyway ;) Oh and I took the liberty of making up what he whispered in her ear, if anyone's got a better idea, tell me, I'm curious!  
The Doctor's part takes place during "Day of the Moon" and River's during "Let's Kill Hitler", but you guys don't really need me to tell you that, right?_**  
**_I hope you'll like it._**

* * *

"What's the matter with you?"

He turned back around. God, _women_. And did he have to pick the most complicated one of them all?

He decided to just ask. Maybe he _was_ missing something obvious. Maybe he had promised her something, a reward, possibly, and then forgotten about it…

"Have I forgotten something?"

Whoops. He hadn't really intended to come this close. His feet just always did that on their own accord. It wasn't his fault. Nor was it his fault he liked it.

She smiled and he knew that she was going to do something. Ninety-nine per cent sure it was dangerous.

"Oh...shut up."

His consciousness slipped for a second. Was she..._kissing_ him? It seemed she was.

It also seemed like he was kissing her back. Without thinking about, he had instinctively responded. Rather enthusiastically, too. His brain didn't work, everything was slurred and unfocused as if he'd had too much drink.

He hadn't had a drink for ages.

And he hadn't kissed anyone like that for eternities.

Really shouldn't be now, either. After all, he had no idea who that woman was. She was dangerous, terribly quick when it came to shooting people (and he was not going to admit that that was kind of sexy), and there was always the possibility she was locked up in this prison for his murder. He was pretty sure he shouldn't be kissing his murderer.

He really needed to get away. Also, he really needed to breathe. Soon. He seemed to have forgotten.

His brain noted sleepily that imitating a windmill was not going to help.

She let him go and all he could do was stare at her. What the hell had gotten into her? Why would she kiss him?

_Why did everybody always try to kiss him?_

"Right. Okay. Interesting," he stuttered then. That didn't really express the mess that were his feelings and thoughts but it was a start.

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking seriously worried. "You're acting like we'd never done this before."

Okay...meltdown. He'd been right then, after all. After the Library, he had barely dared to consider it, but the way she had looked at him, the things she'd said…

_"I'm going to be someone that you trust. Completely."_

_"I trust this man. With my life."_

_"I bet I like you." "Oh, you do."_

Of course he had come to the conclusion that one day, she might be more than a friend to him. His mind had even dug out the word "wife" for the occasion. Well, it had to occur to him. He wasn't stupid.

But apparently stupid enough to not be expecting this.

"We haven't." She looked hurt. That stung and he really didn't like to see her like that, but he was hurt, too, in a way. He was thinking about the Library, and of other people he'd kissed and of people he had wanted to kiss and he was so very confused.

"Oh, look at the time!" he exclaimed without even looking at his watch. "Must be off."

No, he couldn't leave her like this. That would be unfair. He had been brought up a chevalier, after all. More or less.

"But it was very nice. It was good. It was unexpected."

Oh dear, what was he even saying there? He needed to shut up immediately. And then, preferably, _run_.

"You know what they say," he added, already halfway through the TARDIS's doors. "There's a first time for everything."

His hand did something for which he took absolutely no responsibility and then he stumbled through the doors.

That woman, whether she killed him or not, would be the absolute death of him.

* * *

Her parents were still talking to her, panicking, when she could finally look away from the duplicate of River Song that was her. She had been jealous of this woman and then, when he was as good as dead, the bastard revealed to her that he was talking about _her_ all this time!

Melody could have bursted with how unfair it was. For almost an hour he had struggled and fought and refused to just bloody _die_ and now, when she needed to talk to him so badly, he gave up?!

She stared at the gangly man that lay motionless on the marble steps, looking too young and too innocent for his ridiculous tux. No, he couldn't die now, he could not do that to her. She wouldn't let him.

She had killed him. So who said she couldn't bring him back?

"Just tell me. The Doctor...is he worth it?" she whispered. It was more of a rhetorical question really because she had already made her choice.

After all, who was she without him? An assassin that had fulfilled her task and was no longer of any use to the rest of the universe.

Her hands were glowing in a golden light, not like the violent eruptions regeneration usually caused, but soft. Comforting.

Slowly, she kneeled down next to him on the stairs. She knew it would work.

_"Tell her...tell River I trust her now, with my life."_

Oh, the manipulative jerk, he'd known she would save him. And he'd told her she could.

As soon as the light radiation from her hands reached his face, his lids fluttered and he looked at her, slightly disorientated and his eyes full of confusion.

"River, no…"

The only thing that really reached her about his words was the realization she really liked that name.

"What are you doing?"

She just smiled. All those years of training, in vain. And she didn't even care. "Hello sweetie."

_"Only River Song gets to call me that."_

Their lips met for the second time that day, only this time it was not about mocking him and his naivety and playful banter. No, this was very, very different. And it felt right.

She forgot all about where she was, about time, about her parents standing behind her, about how she hated the man she was kissing.

No. She didn't hate him, not any more. Or maybe she never had.

His hands gripped her shoulders, pulling her closer. Life was coming back to him and her heart beat desperately against her chest as if it was about to burst with too many feelings.

She could feel herself becoming weaker, but she didn't care. As long as she could bring him back.

When they finally broke apart, hours might have passed for all she knew and her breaths were shallow. But at the same time, she felt terribly happy.

Her head was spinning and her vision became hazy. But, in her last seconds before she lost consciousness, it hit her that here, in her enemy's arms, she had finally lost her fear.

She had saved him, and he would save her. She knew it.

* * *

**_If you've got any prompts, do let me know :)_**


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